What did one calculator say to the other calculator? “You can count on me!”
What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy and the other’s "a little lighter".
When does a joke become a ‘dad’ joke? When it becomes "apparent".
Why did the boy eat his homework? Because the teacher said it was "a piece of cake".
Did you hear about the circus fire? It was "in tents"
What do dentists call their x-rays? "Tooth pics"
Did you hear about the first restaurant to open on Mars? It had great food, but no atmosphere.
Why did the bullet end up losing his job? He got fired.
I entered ten puns in a contest to see which would win. No pun in ten did.
How do you measure a snake? Use inches they don’t have feet.
Why do toilets always win at poker? They always get a flush
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
How do NASA engineers organize a party? They planet.
Did you hear the nasty rumor about butter? No I really shouldn’t spread it.
Where should you go in a room if you’re feeling cold? Go to the corner they’re at 90 degrees.
